Our tour begins in just a few days with our HUGE IMMENSE show at the Echo on Friday. Wooo. We're pumped. We're taking it seriously, so I thought I'd clue you in on our tour preparation process.
Essentials for tour training include:
Lifting all that gear and beating up club owners to make sure we get paid our scrilla requires a lot of strength. We wake up every day at 6 am for a 2 hour work out that starts and ends with a steady protein shake supplement.
Yes, it's true. Everyone in the band is a never nude. It's difficult to talk about in public, but at all points we are wearing short shorts. This gets extra challenging on the road with the summer heat and our tight rawk star pants. So for the past two weeks we do Bikram Yoga wearing only our denim shorts in order to physically prepare us for the challenges ahead.
There's a lot of pent up male frustration on tour. Maybe for big arena bands or for bands with things like "natural good looks" or "charisma" the road is a place of endless vice. The ladies flow like a revolving door. But for us, we mostly smell weird and are surrounded by each other all the time and the only person who is excited to meet us is the old dude with 3 teeth that wants to talk about how he toured with Sabbath 40 years ago. I mean, that's a good dude, but a good listen to 'Kill Em All' will get all the road frustration out. Thanks Metallica, there was a time when you didn't suck.
I've already admitted my love for the Hills. I watch a lot of TV....like, a lot of TV. I survive on a steady diet of a morning dose of 'Cheaters,' a lunchtime viewing of my OC dvds, yelling at Tyra, chilling with Wolf Blitzer in the Situation Room, then watching the Real World Hollywood reruns for 4 hours. I can't believe Greg is such an asshole, and I really hope the buff dude gets his act together in rehab.
But on tour, there's not much TV. There's a lot of driving, a lot of music, a lot of hardwood floors, but not much TV. Like a desert camel, I've been stocking up on my TV, watching for days on end so I have reserves on tour. If I start getting the shakes and need a fix, I can just recount a silly Ellen interview or a meal from 'Take Home Chef.'
AND FINALLY, Journey's Greatest Hits
So, embedding this video is disabled, but you should really follow this link. It's the video for Journey's "Faithfully." It's all the best AND worst parts of touring, but mostly Steve Perry knowingly shaves his mustache in the mirror. I hope that when I shave my beard before tour, it will look EXACTLY like that.
I think we're ready. A few more days of these ingredients and we will be UNSTOPPABBLE!!